Intentionally and deliberately putting yourself in close proximity to others who are suffering can suck. Nobody is arguing that point. There are things in life much less formidable than looking into the eyes of someone who is suffering and seeing profound pain. That pain is often paired with dysfunction. Not easy for a Hope Giver to deal with. Often people intentionally and deliberately avoid people who are suffering. We often hear them say:
- It’s not my business.
- I can’t handle that stuff—I just don’t have it in me.
- Unless they choose to help themselves, there’s really nothing I can do.
I beg to differ.
- If someone is in peril, it’s all of our business.
- You’re stronger than you think you are.
- Sometimes people can’t help themselves, and there’s plenty you can do.
“Holding presence” and doing life with someone who needs hope is hard. It takes a long time to journey with people. It requires commitment. It demands bravery and action and resolve. You will take much of their pain and place it squarely on your shoulders. You’ll lose sleep, for sure. But here’s the thing:
When we share in the suffering of other people, we can also share in their resurrections.
I remember when my friend Sharon joined the Rainy Dais Community. She was molested as a child, and pain had taken its toll on her life. Often people whose past includes such betrayal and horror consider themselves victims—for good reason—and that “victim identity” becomes ingrained in their self-perceptions. This had been the case with Sharon until one day, she saw a child who was in an abusive home.
She straight up called Child Protective Services.
Apparently, she wasn’t as powerless as she thought she was. She knew it was her business. She wasn’t sure she could handle it, but she ended up handling it like a boss. How was this youngster ever going to “handle” that by himself? There was something she could do, and she did it.
After it was all over, this is what she said:
“I think I’ve turned a corner in my life. I don’t feel like I’m the victim anymore. I feel like I’m the advocate now.”
And she was.
For the next few weeks, I’m going to continue with this series. We can all become the Hope Givers we are called to be. I’d love to include your stories. Message me.
Daisy Rain Martin is the editor in chief for RAIN Magazine. She is also author of Juxtaposed: Finding Sanctuary on the Outside and If It’s Happened to You, which can both be found on her website. Look for Hopegivers: Hope is Here in 2014.
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